I’ve lived a majority of my life feeling insecure. This isn’t a sob story. Everyone feels this way at some point. I’m not looking for validation, either. In fact, I have been given validation from others my entire life, but that was never enough me. Despite those around me telling me I was skinny, the mirror told me something different. It took me many years to realize 2 things: 1- No one is staring at my body and judging everything about it, and 2- Even if they were, the only thing that matters is me loving myself.

In the first picture below, taken the summer before my junior year of high school, you can see an insecure little me, covering my stomach. This girl, barely weighing 100lbs, thought she was fat. You can very clearly see my ribs and hip bones and there is no muscle to be seen. I limited myself to very low calorie foods and wanted nothing more than to shed a few pounds. Fast forward to today, my freshman year of college, I am more confident in my body than ever before. Weighing at about 120lbs, I’ve gained weight in every area I was insecure about before, but I’ve also gained muscle in the process. I still don’t have a perfectly round butt or a perfectly flat stomach, but I’m proud of the progress I have made. I, dare I say, love my body!

I don’t want to claim to be 100% confident in myself, because it is a continuous process. I still have my days where I look down at my stomach and wish it was smaller. But what matters is that I’m getting better. I am eating mindfully and exercising regularly. I’m doing what is right for my body and learning to love it. I’m learning that I can’t be perfect. I can’t have the body of an athlete that dedicates their life to performance when I have to sit in front of my laptop a majority of the day writing papers and doing chemistry. I could have chosen to do that. But to me, my goals are far greater than my desire to have a “perfect body.” Therefore there is no need for me to expect my body to look that way.

If there’s one thing I could leave with you going forward, it’s to self reflect. Think of everything you’d like to change about your body. If you have a goal that can be achieved by simply changing a bad habit, then by all means set that goal for yourself and work hard for it! But also learn to be patient with yourself and know that you and your body won’t change overnight. If your goal requires an extensive amount of money, training, surgeries, etc, then forget about it. There will never be enough cosmetic surgeries to make you love yourself. It is a learned habit of constantly changing negative thoughts and behaviors. Loving yourself doesn’t mean waiting until you look good and then being okay. Loving yourself is accepting every mistake, setback, donut craving, bad hair day, and everything in-between. I challenge you to start loving yourself. While it may not be easy, it is most definitely worthwhile.